For the girls who never felt contented.

Hi. I’m starting this week with my daily dose of “you’re not good enough” monologue. Yes, I never and will never feel contented.. Well, at least for the time being. I know it’s a bit cliche, but I just feel so fucking ugly. When I look across my reflection in the mirror, all I can think of are words of insult, humiliation and hate. Why can’t I be this, why can’t I be that, why is my nose too big, why is my chest too small, why am I so fat, why why why?! I feel like I will never be good enough for anyone, most especially for myself. I have to constantly try new things like do diets, work outs, drink gallons of water and the like just to please myself but nothing really becomes a habit.. It’s just so sad that no one really loves and appreciates me, not even myself. I have to constantly endure all the insults I get. From my sister, my sister, my sister, my mom, my blockmate who calls me siopao and even said that pimples look good on me. Sometimes I just act like I don’t care, but deep down I do. I get hurt because I realize that I really am what they call me. Sometimes I just want to break down and cry. I keep on asking myself why am I like this.. UGLY. Nope, not just ugly.. Fucking ugly. To think that I view myself as a sophisticated and high woman outside the walls of my own self confidence, but once I’m already face to face with a mirror, I completely change and unleash a different part of me. A part that criticises every part of my body, a part that thinks that she’s a complete mess, a part that wants everything to be done by a plastic surgeon, a part that just want to be happy and contented, but she really can’t. Fuck, no? I know it’s a bit dramatic but it’s true when they say that “Society killed the teenager”. To be honest, no one’s really good enough for everybody. Someone’s going to be too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too small, too large, too this, too that. It’s really up to ourselves to love who we are, but I’m way too far from loving what I am. This is why people shouldn’t read my blog. I’m too pessimistic. YES, FEELING GOOD ABOUT MYSELF IS JUST AS IMPOSSIBLE AS HAVING SNOW IN THE PHILIPPINESF, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT YOU SHOULD FOLLOW MY FOOTSTEPS. As much as possible, don’t let your self consciousness consume your whole being like what it did to mine. Save yourself while you can. Leave at least 20% of love for yourself, because that’s what I failed to do. I gave it all away and was left with nothing..

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